woohoo! 2008 dormitory party!
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2008 dormitory Christmas party! XD January 8, 2009
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happy new year! January 7, 2009
what a day!
whew.
this last sunday,
that was, clearly late afternoon when we started to hit the road..
i went with my mother(who drove the car), my sister(an older cousin) and my littlest baby brother(who is turning 8 soon).
we went to my old boarding house to pick up the things that
i have left in the place..
err…it was kinda awkward..
the people didn’t wanted me to leave..
tita emily even claimed that i didn’t told her i’d be leaving..
well, that part was true..
and that was really rude of me,
though she also added that indeed she has known my plans,
but she also thought that i wasn’t going to transfer anyways,
since, i told her that i dont want to leave..(that was latter, when i got to know the people around me better)and i said that the place that i am tranferring to is kind of scary..
and that i dont want to be scared silly..
sigh…
in the end i still am rude for not telling her beforehand that i am leaving her place…
i gave my lame apologies.. told her that i was so ashamed of myself, that i didn’t know how to start, nor what to tell her…
and it’s irritating me too..
sigh…
it’s a good thing that i was forgiven.
oh, Lord, i thank You for that.
sheessh…it’s a good thing i am still young(or so they think)..
they made it as an excuse for my behavior..
lol.i wont deny anything.XD
i love spontaneous things, things that go naturally, things that are real. ^_^
in any case i really admire Mother Nature, the craftiness…the beauty of it all..and it’s all just natural.
sigh, we then turned to the supposedly new place..
rawr. i was scared with it myself, not adding the irritation that has been building up on my mother directly towards me.
you see, my mother is a very nice woman, and she was devastated
that i didnt even bother to let the other involved people know of my plans. >__<
it’s so lonely..
that at the middle of the night i keep waking up,
just to see if i have received any messages..
sigh..
i really miss them…
I NEVER KNEW I CAN BE THIS HOME-SICK.
i think it’s pretty normal.
the last time, i was so shocked that i didn’t know at first why there’s something that is dripping off of my face, i knew then i had runny nose, but not that bad..
until i realized that it was clear and warm liquid uncontrollably breaking its way out..i was crying, and for all the good that it did to me, i didn’t know why, and i cant stop it from flowing. it felt a bit shocking to me, i was stunned of how much tears that was…i can see my own tears…its really flowing..at rapid succession..
where did all that stuff came from…and that much? why?
although i know myself better not to be shocked for that one..
it really isn’t new. i had cried a lot. and lately, i have been doing that quite often.
i am so easily flattered, easily disgusted, easily annoyed, easy to please..
i find myself so easy to be happy, sad, irritated, all the same.
quite sensitive….i don’t think so. sigh, sensitive, if being so can help me learn people better, then it’s a good thing. sigh… easily hurt.
but crying isn’t only for sad people.
sometimes i feel like crying out of joy,
sometimes i cry because of humiliation, i feel so ashamed of myself, when i feel like getting angry, and then coming to realization that it’s not good to be angry.
whichever.
sigh. i want to eat.
i am hungry again.
lol
whatelse..
hmmm….
i was with a friend early today.
and she told me quite a lot.
she told me that she now have a boyfriend.
that guy, i wasn’t exactly surprised, i told her,
added that i knew something was brewing.
^^
she revealed that they weren’t even a month going out yet..
it’s still fresh..
well,
later that day…
she mentioned something like…
” i think, i wanted an older brother”
she’s a freshman, the guy was a senior.
gosh, i didn’t knew the guy was that old.
i mean in comparison to our age,
but for a second thought he’s actually not that far..
nope, my batchmate is 19, that’s a sophomore..
lol. it’s funny to hear first years call me “ate”
(it’s the filipino version of “older sister”)
when some of them had already had their debut…XD
so silly fun.
but i don’t want to reveal my real age to them.
for when they do, they wont believe it.
and that will be something to look forward to.
so yeah, my friend….
i kind of felt how she feels…
i somehow feel that most of the time..
but i think i know how to handle her..
^_^
the next time i see her,
i’ll tell her what i think about it..
it must be…
the hormonal imbalance.
kidding!
i mean, she must be longing for someone to care for her,
protect her, look after her, love her..
i think that she must have been just really sad…
she’s told me that she has left Leave Of Absence..
she wanted to shift her college course…
sigh…
and she thinks she’s suicidal.
sigh….
i told her one thing: I’ve been there.
^_^
i have been depressed for a time, even without knowing i am already being depressed all the while…lol. i’ve lost count on how many times i have tried to think of ways to end my life. to be free of pain. to rest. because i was so tired.
sheeesshh..that was ages…
i am different now.
because now, i have my God.
i’ll have to help that girl..
she mentioned something like “if we break up, i don’t know, i might not be able to attend worship like before, i think for until he’s graduated”
also, she mentioned something about text messages…
she said that he’s always busy…
i told her that it’s all normal.
he’ll be busy, that’s pretty normal especially he’s a senior.
^_^
but what i felt from her, is that it’s not like other girls that i know of,
the girls that i know, they go crazy when the(this is so funny..haha) even the NAME. lol. just the simple name.. they go crazy. like, cant stop themselves from smiling, and then feeling so giddy, and not realizing that they are gushing all over the guy. lol.
that was how it is supposed to be, isn’t it?
but…i am afraid…i didn’t see it quite loud in her..
she’s so still… she thinks its just that.
sigh…
i asked if her problem with the guy is that he’s been ultra super busy that he didn’t have time left for her?
she didn’t deny that, only grew more silent, so i changed the question, asked her if she sends him messages frequently… she said, that if he doesn’t want to reply, then its fine, no texting. >_>
whatever was the guy’s problem was.
he’s irritating.
my girl here, is a very shy and sweet girl…
and him???
what does he do??
i mean, does a “im busy” reply hurt?
gosh, and they had only started going out..
and they’re already like this.
>__>
that’s really sweet. if he’s not all day not making anything to contact the lady,
duh. he’s courted her. gosh. >__<
lol. i only say that. don’t believe those words.
hahahaha. sickeningly, on my part..
even a single text can make my day.
that’s how simple i am.
lol. how few words can make me forget all the worries and pain…
XD
see?
from whom..you ask?
no? you’re not asking?
lol. it’s from my friends.^_^
of course.
sigh….
oh well….
kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i’m so excited..
to receive messages…
from…
XD
the people i cherish.
good day to all.
remember that time is precious.
we can never turn back time.
so, whatever it is that we can do today.
do it now.
or you may lose your chance of doing it forever.
we will never know.
so cherish the moments that we have today.
GODBLESS US ALL!
8 preferences(MBTI) December 2, 2008
Extraversion (E)
Key words:
outer world • people • action • breadth
People who prefer extraversion are energized by active involvement in events, and they like to be immersed in a breadth of activities. They are most excited when they are around people, and they often have an energized effect on those around them. Extraverts like to move into action and to make things happen–extraverts usually feel very at home in the world.
With their orientation to the outer world, extraverts often find their understanding of a problem becomes clearer if they can talk out loud about it and hear what others have to say.
People who prefer extraversion may:
be seen as “go-getters” or “people-persons”
feel comfortable with and like working in groups
have a wide range of acquaintances and friends
sometimes jump too quickly into activity and not allow enough time for reflection
sometimes forgets to pause to clarify the ideas that give aim or meaning to their activities
—————
Introversion (I)
Key words:
inner world • ideas • reflection • depth
People who prefer introversion are energized and excited when they are involved with the ideas, images, memories, and reactions that are a part of their inner world. Introverts often prefer solitary activities or spending time with one or two others with whom they feel an affinity, and they often have a calming effect on those around them.
Introverts take time to reflect on ideas that explain the outer world. With their orientation to the inner world, introverts truly like the idea of something, often better than the something itself, and ideas are almost solid things for them.
People who prefer introversion may:
be seen as calm and “centered” or reserved
feel comfortable being alone and like solitary activities
prefer fewer, more intense relationships
sometimes spend too much time reflecting and not move into action quickly enough
sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if their ideas really fit their experience
———————
Sensing (S)
Key words:
facts • details • experience • present
People who have a preference for sensing are immersed in the ongoing richness of sensory experience and thus seem more grounded in everyday physical reality. They tend to be concerned with what is actual, present, current, and real. As they exercise their preference for sensing, they approach situations with an eye to the facts. Thus, they often develop a good memory for detail, become accurate in working with data, and remember facts or aspects of events that did not even seem relevant at the time they occurred.
Sensing types are often good at seeing the practical applications of ideas and things, and may learn best when they can first see the pragmatic side of what is being taught. For sensing types, experience speaks louder than words or theory.
People who prefer sensing may:
recall events as snapshots of what literally happened
solve problems by working through things thoroughly for a precise understanding
be pragmatic and look to the “bottom line”
work from the facts to the big picture
put experience first and place less trust in words and symbols
sometimes focus so much on the facts of the present or past that they miss new possibilities
—————–
Intuition (N)
Key words:
symbols • pattern • theory • future
People who have a preference for intuition are immersed in their impressions of the meanings or patterns in their experiences. They would rather gain understanding through insight than through hands-on experience.
Intuitive types tend to be concerned with what is possible and new, and they have an orientation to the future. They are often interested in the abstract and in theory, and may enjoy activities where they can use symbols or be creative. Their memory of things is often an impression of what they thought was the essence of an event, rather than a memory of the literal words or experiences associated with the event. They often like concepts in and of themselves, even ones that do not have an immediate application, and they learn best when they have an impression of the overall idea first.
People who prefer intuition may:
recall events by what they read “between the lines” at the time
solve problems through quick insight and through making leaps
be interested in doing things that are new and different
work from the big picture to the facts
place great trust in insights, symbols, and metaphors and less in what is literally experienced
sometimes focus so much on new possibilities that they miss the practicalities of bringing them into reality
——————
Thinking (T)
Key words:
impersonal • truth • cool • tough-minded
People who have a preference for thinking judgment are concerned with determining the objective truth in a situation. More impersonal in approach, thinking types believe they can make the best decisions by removing personal concerns that may lead to biased analyses and decision making.
Thinking types seek to act based on the truth in a situation, a truth or principle that is independent of what they or others might want to believe or wish was true. The thinking function is concerned with logical consistency and analysis of cause and effect. As they use and develop their thinking function, thinking types often come to appear analytical, cool, and tough-minded.
People who prefer thinking may:
have technical or scientific orientations
be concerned with truth and notice inconsistencies
look for logical explanations or solutions to most everything
make decisions with their heads and want to be fair
believe telling the whole truth is more important than being tactful
sometimes miss seeing or valuing the “people” part of situations and may be experienced by others as too task-oriented, uncaring, or indifferent
——————————
Feeling (F)
Key words:
personal • value • warm • tenderhearted
People who have a preference for feeling judgment are concerned with whether decisions and actions are worthwhile. More personal in approach, feeling types believe they can make the best decisions by weighing what people care about and the points-of-view of persons involved in a situation.
Feeling types are concerned with personal values and with making decisions based on a ranking of greater to lesser importance—what is the best for the people involved. The feeling function places high value on relatedness between people, and feeling types are often concerned with establishing or maintaining harmony in their relationships. As they use and develop their feeling function, feeling types often come to appear caring, warm, and tactful. Remember, in type language, feeling does not mean being “emotional;” rather, it is a way of reasoning.
People who prefer feeling may:
have people or communications orientations
be concerned with harmony and be aware when it is missing
look for what is important to others and express concern for others
make decisions with their hearts and want to be compassionate
believe being tactful is more important than telling the “cold” truth
sometimes miss seeing or communicating about the “hard truth” of situations and be experienced by others as too idealistic, mushy or indirect
———-
Judging (J)
Key words:
structured • decided • organized • scheduled
People who have a preference for judging use their preferred judging function (whether it is thinking or feeling) in their outer life. What this often looks like is that they prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organized, feel more comfortable when decisions are made, and like to bring life under control to the degree that it is possible.
Since they are using either their T or F in their outer world, they want to make decisions to bring things in their outer life to closure. Remember though, this only describes how their outer life looks. Inside they may feel flexible and open to new information (which they are). Remember, in type language, judging means “preferring to make decisions;” it does not mean “judgmental” in the sense of constantly making negative evaluations about people and events.
People who prefer judging may:
like to make decisions, or at least like to have things decided
look task oriented
like to make lists of things to do
like to get their work done before playing
plan work to avoid rushing just before deadline
sometimes make decisions too quickly without enough information
sometimes focus so much on the goal or plan that they miss the need to change directions at times
——————-
Perceiving (P)
Key words:
flexible • open • adaptable • spontaneous
People who have a preference for perceiving use their preferred perceiving function (whether it is sensing or intuition) in their outer life. What this often looks like is that they prefer a more flexible and spontaneous way of life, like to understand and adapt to the world, and like to stay open to new experiences.
Since they are using either their S or N in their outer world, they want to continue to take in new information. Remember again that this only describes how the person’s outer life looks. Inside they may feel very planful or decisive (which they are). Remember, in type language perceiving means “preferring to take in information;” it does not mean “perceptive” in the sense of having quick and accurate perceptions about people and events.
People who prefer perceiving may:
like staying open to respond to whatever happens
look more loose and casual
like to keep laid-out plans to a minimum
like to approach work as play or mix work and play
work in burst of energy, and enjoy rushing just before deadlines
sometimes stay open to new information so long that they miss making decisions
sometimes focus so much on adapting to the moment that they do not settle on a direction or plan
copied from:
https://cfd161.cfdynamics.com/knowyourtype
Myers-Briggs Personality Type December 2, 2008
ISTJ
ISTJs are sociable when comfortable in the roles they are playing; however, they generally do not share their wealth of rich Sensing observations and memories except with close friends. Others see their standards and judgments, their desire for structure and schedules, but they may not see their individual, sometimes humorous, private reactions.
———–
ISFJ
ISFJs are unassuming and quiet in their interactions, often putting the needs of others – especially family members – ahead of their own. They are uncomfortable with confrontation and will go a long way to accommodate others, through their respect for traditions and people’s feelings can lead them to challenge actions they perceive as hurtful or insensitive. People see their values, their desire for structure and closure, their kindness. What others may not see is the wealth of rich, accurate internal Sensing impressions and memories.
——————-
INFJ
INFJs readily show compassion and caring for others, but they share their internal intuitions only with those they trust. Because they keep this most valued, important part private, others may find them difficult to know. When they try to communicate their internal sense of “knowing,” they often express it metaphorically and with complexity. They especially value authenticity and commitment in relationships.
————–
INTJ
INTJs present a calm, decisive, and assured face to the world, though they may find it difficult to engage in social conversation. They usually don’t directly express their most valued and valuable part: their creative insights. Instead, they translate them into logical decisions, opinions, and plans, which they often express clearly. Because of this, other sometimes experience INTJs as intractable, much to the surprise of the INTJ, who is very willing to change an opinion when new evidence emerges.
————————
ISTP
ISTPs are egalitarian and generally tolerant of a wide range of behaviors – until their ruling logical principles are attacked. At that point, they can surprise others by expressing their firm and clear judgments. ISTPs listen and seem to agree because they are not disagreeing; later others may find the ISTP was analyzing and making internal judgments.
————–
ISFP
ISFPs are adaptable and flexible unless something that matters strongly to them is endangered; then they stop adapting. They care deeply about people but may show it through doing things for others more than through words.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and unassuming, and their warmth, enthusiasm, and playful humor may not be apparent to people who don’t know them well. They prefer to observe and support rather than organize situations; they have little wish to dominate.
————–
INTP
INTPs are usually quiet and reserved though they can be talkative in areas in which they are especially knowledgeable. Unless their work requires action, they are more interested in the challenge of finding solutions than in putting solutions to practical use. They prefer not to organize people or situations.
———–
ESTP
ESTPs are strong in the art of living. They love life and immerse themselves in it; others respond to their enthusiasm and good humor. ESTPs are people of action. They usually dislike and avoid theory and written directions. Traditional schools can be difficult for people with these preferences, though ESTPs do well when they see the relevance and are allowed to experiment.
———–
ESFP
ESFPs get a lot of fun out of life and are fun to be with; their exuberance and enthusiasm draw others to them. They are flexible, adaptable, congenial, and easy going. They seldom plan ahead, trusting their ability to respond in the moment and deal effectively with whatever presents itself. They hate structure and routine and will generally find ways to get around them.
—————
ENTP
ENTPs are spontaneous and adaptable. They find schedules and standard operating procedures confining and work around them whenever possible. They are remarkably insightful about the attitudes of others, and their enthusiasm and energy can mobilize people to support their vision.
—————
ESTJ
Because they naturally devise systems, procedures, and schedules, others rely on ESTJs to take charge and get things done. Others may also find them overpowering at times because ESTJs are so certain about how things should be. Because they are clear and straightforward in their communication, people seldom have to wonder where they stand.
—————
ESFJ
ESFJs are energized by interaction with others and genuinely interested in others’ lives and concerns. They feel most comfortable in structured situations and enjoy creating order, structure and schedules. They prefer to do things the traditional and accepted way.
——————-
ENFJ
ENFJs are energetic, enthusiastic, and very aware of others. Their genuine interest can usually draw out and involve even the most reserved person. They listen to and support others, but also have a very definite values and opinions of their own, which they will express clearly. ENFJs are energized by people and are socially adept; however, they also have a strong need for authentic, intimate relationships.
——————-
ENTJ
ENTJs love, and are energized by stimulating interactions with people. They often challenge people’s statements and behaviors, expecting that others will defend them and that, as a result, mutual learning will take place. ENTJs admire and seek out people who are knowledgeable and who stand up to them, say what they think and argue persuasively.
copied from:
https://cfd161.cfdynamics.com/knowyourtype
luvi~ im so excited!! November 25, 2008
yesterday,
i was so sick..
hehe…mentally?
nah, i just didn’t feel well…….
yesterday was the opening for the psychology week, here in our school :
University of Santo Tomas.
^_^
classes from 8am-10am are excused and are to attend the opening programs..
well, i was so lazy, for that. XD
idling, i received a text message from luvi,
goodie!
i knew she will have liked twilight~
readily, i asked her,
and i knew that she did knew about it.
i just felt that i know.
and she did.
she liked it as much as i did.
and she’s going to watch the movie!!
XD
well, she’s going with her friends,
there was 6 of them.
yeah, i used “was” for when she invited me to join them,
as shy as i am, towards new people,
she made it, immediately, that there will only be the two of us.
XD
kyaa!!
and i am so happy!
happy, because i missed that girl.
and more so happy because she missed me too!
^_^
yay!
and eventually, she bought enough tickets for the both of us!
hehehe, she’s just so excited, as i am.
and it’s very endearing to know that i can watch the movie that i want to see,
with a person who can manage to stay with me, the entire time,
without facing any problems…XD
i mean,
we’re just so totally,
you know,
alike,
well, you can say that we just “click”
^_^
awww..
i missed her!!
luvi~~
we’re going to watch the twilight the movie tomorrow!!
^_^
wee…sheeshh November 24, 2008
hi,
whew.
i’ll be splinting things that took place from this week’s monday..
let me tell you..
it was so much….busy!
haha, i went to wake up at 6:48am
no surprise that, my sister is no longer around,
she always leaves on time.
(though that doesn’t guarantee being not late—considering the always changing traffic flow)
also my three kid elementary brothers have already left by then, too.
what i have made of that morning is myself, and the still-snoring trio on the other room.
that was my highschool brother and two cousins. brothers they are to me.
my mother, she’s with my younger brothers, as usual. so i had to do my stuff alone.
well, it has been a habit of mine, to know that i am not alone, at least to talk to someone.
sigh..
so i left for school.
i am have gone to enroll that day.
(just the heck—and i am two weeks late!)
oh well, there’s a lot of stuff to consider, you know.
firstly, i do not think i am considered a sophomore now..
i think i am still a freshie..
hey, i was sick last year and i have to repeat it..
sadly, i was that sick..that my studies have been afftected to that point.
oh well.
^^
i am all good now.
so, i had to go to the office..
i had my schedule done,
and was made to go for the professors to sign me on my prefered classes..
^^
Ma’am Vargas–my Human Development professor, she’s very nice.
^^
i think i liked her, already.
the same way with Ma’am Ces, my Theories of Learning professor, she’s the very bit nice as Ma’am Vargas…
haahaha..
i have yet to meet the other professors soon.
these professors i have looked for, was because of the number of students that they are handling..
lol. there are just lots of people around..XD
sigh..
so yeah,
here are the list of people that had helped me:
Ma’am Beth,
Ma’am Lorna,
Ma’am Nonato(Dean of the College of Science)
Ma’am Aguinaldo(Assistant Dean of the College of Science)
Ma’am Biavati(my English professor)
Ma’am Portia(my favorite Statistics professor)
Ma’am Potenciana(my Philippine History professor–hehe)
of course, will i be able to handle and hold myself firm with sanity, if not for:
Ma’am Chatt(our Guidance Counselor)
and with the unbearably very kind of help from good friends:
they have been talking to me, and relieved me of a very heavy burden on my chest,
they did listen to my every little rattle, even to my complaints.
and they are still willing to share my thoughts, nonetheless..
and i am very thankful that i am blessed with such friends.
marian.(2Advertising1–also CFAD student. Advertising. ^_^—she’s been my friend since firstyear highschool….and we’re still good friends!)
seline.(i dont know her section. but i do know they are the only section in their batch. First year, painting in the College of Fine Arts and Design–CFAD)
vanessa-oneesama(ate!)
janine(2Psych5)
andrew.(2Psych4)
kuya ron(ensui-niichan).
sigh..
i have been really scared stiff that i wasnt able to call all that i could have possibly called..
and would have all their might have helped me..
i wasn’t sure of myself and was scared that i will scare them away, because of my being so pathetic..
but i am very pleased that even if i cant always tell my story, atleast they are willing to stay
around and keep me company and provide the distractions that i gravely needed.
lean.(the all-time archnemesis with the kicking greetings!)
keil.(provider of things to ponder on–haha)
my online friends.(they keep me from thinking too much on my own, lest my mind busy)
nats.(2Psych1)
juliet.(1Psych2)
Ma’am Marose(our former guidance counselor)
carla.
and oh, my church group members~
haha!
they are so nice!
kuya cris.(always have been insisting that i go join the youth camp–and i always agree.haha–YFC)
well, i dont really know a lot of people from YFC yet, i am still a newbie, anyways..
and all i wanted is to go and sing praises to God. all to glorify Him.
(YFC-Youth For Christ)
also in VCF(Victory Christian Fellowship), i have met with lots more people..
i have been attending it for a while now..
and i have always, each and every time enchanted by attending and learning new praises for God.
(that’s where my most beloved love songs came from!)
people i recently met:
jergen.(i have not seen him attend, lately.)
kuya ryu.(4th year…advertising?)
kuya bogs?
kuya fran..
mai..
gethsie..
ate meryl…
ate elisse..
ate fia..
ate jeng..
ate marnielle!
hmm..
(sorry—i can’t really remember such number of people in one meeting, hehe)
i might recall the names and faces, but i cant be sure if i got the right name for the right person..
so, sorry…
so sorry…
XD
heheh..
i have arrived at the boarding house in the morning..
i saw kevin~(2nd year–Philosophy Major)
he’s been a nice chatmate..
we discuss a lot of interesting things.
its really nice to have someone whom you can share thoughts with, without holding back,
knowing that that person, understands what you are trying to say, without misinterpretations that average persons might think of unworldly especially when they see that we are only kids, to begin with. we talk a lot about ethical issues, most of the time. critical and controversial stuffs..
that most people will feel awkward or disgusted even, most of the time.
hahaha! it’s really fun to discuss things like that. and we haven’t yet arrived to the point of argument, or if we did, it’s really fun. it’s very healthy for me. i think it is.
we are practicing what we have learned…hahahha~
but that morning we didn’t really talked, i saw that he was still sleepy, what a funny sight! (sheessh!)
last edited by me on november 20, 2008 at 11:22am
…………………………………………………
continuing..
ahehe…
a lot has happened!!!
and i have finished three quizzes already!
hahaha!!
hey, hmm…
let me see…
i am –as of the moment..
is cringing from the direct airconditioning here at the library..
XD
neh, last saturday night,
hmm…
niichan called.
^^
he was bored to death that he have thought of calling someone like me.
XD
well, just for the time being, that is.
i dunno, we’ve been talking for like many months now..
we’ve never met personally, only online.
we’ve known each other from my time on the vnmanga site.
more like, on the chatbox..
he was moderating the filipino users of the site, at that time, or so he thought he is.
hahahahaha!!!
that was, may 30 last year? hahaha…i dunno, around that time, i guess..
well, i can perfectly recall the first time i have started to like chatting..
when i have entered the cyber world…
for that was when i was still so desperate on finding the gakuen alice manga..
that i have now given up…
surely, i am still updating it, but, it’s kind of sad..
i wanted to have a copy of it.
sigh….greediness……XD
so, niichan,
so far, he’s been very nice to me.
^_^
he have survived my almost endless and pretty senseless blabberings…XD
and he still listens…hehe
actually, before, last year, to be exact,
we’re like, calling each other on yahoo! messenger…
so his call last saturday, shouldn’t have been weird to me..
lol.
i don’t know…i felt a bit scared….
and i have thought that i might have told him just too much..
much more than necessary…
much more than i usually let other people know…
what’s wrong with me?
i usually talk and talk and talk endlessly without getting tired before..
i have loved talking..
but lately, i find myself, very trying to keep talking…
but i can’t stop myself from actually getting scared…
so what am i getting scared silly of?
i am scared that if i say too much…
i will scare them away…
they might not like to talk to me again…
they might feel that i am only using them…for my leisure…
leisure of talking..
i am scared that i be misinterpreted….
>___<
sigh…
i have been bothering lots of people lately…
was i using them??
no i am not.
i will never do that.
but i am trying…
to trust myself again….
i wanted to be free of these wicked feelings…
DX
i want to be able to learn how to trust friends again..
^_^
sigh…
hahaha~
feeling low October 24, 2008
neh..
why are there people..
who say they know things…
don’t see that…
they do not understand anything at all?
no one knows everything..only God knows it all.
and them?
can’t they see?
what hypocrites!
and as such..they have so much confidence on their presupposed knowledge..
assumed superiority..
they are really pitiful..
really pitiful creatures…
they put themselves above the others..
they judge according to their tastes..
they do not acknowledge known things but only from themselves..
do not trust testimonies and facts presented..
do not entertain new ideas…
man! to put it simply…
they are BORING.
and utterly CLOSE-MINDED.
JUDGMENTAL.
NARROW-MINDED.
EGO-MANIACS.
SELF-CENTERED BEASTS!
may they learn the real scores in life,
had they been missing a lot,
it is because…they are stubborn not to see things the way they should be viewed..
but rather…they stupidly try to, selfishly, put things in their own way…even when everybody else knows what the real story is.
they are self-gratifying maniacs..
XD
oddly, i seem to be having fun typing this..
hahahaha!!
it really is getting off some from my shoulders..
in letting things out…
just flow from me…
in the natural way..
you see..
i am a problematic person.
my, i do not know what..is problematic..
though people say, the guidance counselor and the doctors –even, i am normal..
the former telling my, that my personality is pretty nice and that nothing is there to be changed.
that i am fine the way i am now. introverted as it was shown to me..and known to me..
i am pretty stable on my own..
it was also told that i am pretty stubborn myself..that i hold on to my principles dearly.. that if i see anything wrong with anything i, without a second thought, declines from it.
while the latter, only told me to take care of myself..
not to be stressed out too much and avoid it, the stressors–that is, as much as possible since i am quite prone to be stressed and to over-fatigue…
sigh..
i know what i am supposed to do..
in such cases on not to dwell on negative thoughts..
i mean…on me being depressed..
its really hard , you know?
it’s something that you can’t just get out off when you please to..
it’s something more than that.
it is a medical condition.
an illness. that which you cannot simply just “snap off it”.
the person with an illness is sick..
and sick people didn’t wish to be sick—of course!
that is why..it is hard..
to be depressed..
it is scary..
especially when..you have just recently learned that..
you have the tendency to be depressed..
most of the time..
without even reaching your awareness of it.
sneaky, huh?
that’s what makes it scary..
you only get to know if you’re depressed when you’re already depressed..
and when you do acknowledge that…you can no longer do anything about it..
it’s there, and you can’t do anything about it anymore..
x-ray result? October 3, 2008
hey.
i really love it.
i SO LOVE YOU OH LORD!!!
wheew..
would you believe it?
just when i was about to see my x-ray results..
i was asked for another one?!?
how crazy is that?
i was like…
“another one? ..i just finished last monday… wha…”
and the technician told me while interpreting my medical records..
that they are asking for another x-ray..
for the purpose of comparison…
whoa..
what are they trying to do, huh??
it was crazy..
i was like..
“huh….uh… okay..”
and then told me to return for the results on monday next week at 1pm..
hmm..
i wonder if they’ll ask for another x-ray when i return to see my x-ray results..
i am really looking forward to see RESULTS next monday..
and not another round of physical examination..
geez…
it’s tiring you know!
and all the suspense..
why can’t they just tell it straight to my face if i’m sick or not?
it’s getting a bit annoying…
LOL
oh well…
things as they are..
doctors..
it’s the same as my light ulcer..
or hyperacidity..
or whatever..
but hey, i was taking medicine that’s for ulcer patients..lol
they can’t tell what is what..
sheeesh..really.
sigh..
i guess i’ll just have to wait for the results..
X_X
wish me luck!
unnecessary thoughts, yet again. September 17, 2008
hey,
just finished the quiz on chemistry lecture…yeah..
—-too tiring.
what’s happening to ME?!?!
lately, i have been pondering on some things..
>>huh? , and just when did i not think about unnecessary things? huh?
well, OKAY. let me re-phrase it, then:
as i have always been wondering..
i was thinking about what’s happening to me recently..
i mean, it’s just getting a BIT out-of-hand..
yeah, and i mean it. totally.
just. i just can’t contain it.
i can’t keep my smile OFF of my face.
really.
and it’s already bugging those people around me.
and at times, i think that..
i’ve probably lost it.
oh. oh..
but no, i did not.
i just can’t be not happy.
even though i think that this is really worth nothing at all..
like, i am wasting my hope..
as a friend told me,
to not think too much.
like that’s a possibility for me—hahahaha!!!
i never think less.
it’s ALWAYS too much.
if i don’t.
it’s not me.
LOL.
something is critically wrong with me!
hahahahaha!!!
also, i have been caught singing..
and humming…
and skipping…
and smiling…
and sighing…
and smiling again…
and singing…
and humming…
GOSH!
and it never breaks..
it continues..
people feel the excessive brightness and lightness of my aura..
haha. they say it’s almost shuddering that i am acting this way..
my friends…my old friends..
oh. WOW.
i just wonder,
on how will they take this in..
hahaha!!!
i am but ALL-SO-GIRLY!!
it’s almost unbearably disgusting..
hahaha!!
unbelievable, for me.
i can’t believe myself, neither..
is it not nice that for a change..
i am thinking of real people?
not just anime characters, anymore?
i mean, real, and tangible persons,
that are known to me.
^^
heh heh heh..
recently..
i have been..
ermm..
thinking of ———yuck! i’m about to spill it!!
noooooo~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/
run!!!
\o\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
okay fine. i’ll spill it.
for the sake of my sanity.
—urk. like i have been sane, lol.
heh. heh. heh.
it’s actually between ..
two…
guys..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/ i’ve said it!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/ run people!!
\o\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hahahaha!!!
well,
i have not been thinking about the other one… not until..
he sent me a message, for just about, some days ago? lol.
and terribly, to my distaste, i was still hoping for the …let’s call him A..
i was still hoping to see A… even for just a bit..
to be able to at least exchange some little talks..
or to my despicably horrible thought that he send me a text message—or so something like that.
well, i believe that he has connections, enough for him to effortlessly track my new phone number down. not unless, he’s getting so stupid as much as to be the -always, guh, always the gentleman,— to wait for me to personally give him my new number. tsk. grr.
he’s so pathetic. i tell you. he won’t argue with me. it’s so irritating.
i always get my way with him. and he won’t ever get mad at me. COME ON! i have been frustrating myself just to make him mad—but no! he only likes it better when i’m on it.
what drives me more into insanity is that, the last time i’ve seen him, he was actually having fun while seeing me get irritated at him. even told me, he missed me that much. erk.
so much for him, so much for his stupid, good-guy character..
how i wish that he be a bit of selfish at times.. geez… he does not have any idea on how much control he has on me…it’s a good thing that i’m a good actress…i can pretend otherwise..
or so i think. i really wish for him to see-though my lies.. if he can do that much..
he has his way. ^_^
duh. that’s only if he CAN.
and if he really MEAN it.
^_^
and the recently message-sender..
let us call him B. he, hmm..
he, uhmm…
err..
what can i say..
he…
i am only a bit disgusted about claiming that i miss him.
i think it’s okay..
since, i believe.. we are on good terms.. at least…
he, uhh.. he is my good friend.
as much as i want to call him kuya (older brother)…
he don’t like it.
or so i think..
well, i can say that, because..
when someone asked us, on what or how are we related to each other..
if we have something…or anything…
i remember answering.. that he’s a brother..
and i recall that he was disagreeing with me..
surely he did disagree, but i had the louder voice..
and so, i won the contest, and the answer that was accepted to that question is that..
we’re almost, blood-related. that close.
teeheeheee…
i remember,
i know, i should say..
that he likes(i wonder if i’m using the proper word–>>;;) cute girls.
and haha, happily, i don’t fall into that category. ^^ hooray!!
he prefers silence..
^_^
uhmm..
i don’t know..
but i feel so light around him..
like, i can do anything.. and he won’t bother…
sort of like that..
what i do know..
is that..
he is the first guy..
that i have claimed my boyfriend, while tugging one of his arms towards myself.
i remember that.. he did not utter a word about it..
i was just kidding when i did that, though..
it’s just to save him from a sticky girl that’s been bugging him..
or so that’s what i think..
hmm…
……
i say that giving this a proper thinking made me see things clearly.
what i have realized… about these things..
is the possible and most probably the truth..
first.
my explosive happiness..
when i knew that a certain someone sent me a message.
clearly, that was a misinterpretation.
i know that guy well enough, to know that he was only nice enough to be friendly.
just being totally friendly, as he has always have been with me.
and i know that it is only my unusually inappropriate wish to see that message in a different light.
that was very improper of me. and i am not pleased with the alien feelings that hovered all over me when i read the message…
yes. it is only my indiscreet fantasies.
well, i am SORRY for being such a GIRL for this one time…
that also applies to the other old friend that is all too nice to me..so much for being the nice guy..
it is, again, my fault that i tried to think of the things in a malicious way..
too much malice in me..
i am starting to be improper…
and this is SO NOT ME.
i am usually at control.
i am by own boss.
but this time why is it going all over the drain??
all my barriers that i have built to be able to protect my weak self from the others..
my shields that i have built to my utmost desperate attempt to hide my self from the eyes of the others…
all of it.
entirely.
it happened so fast…
so fast that even i was not aware of when it started to crash…
when it was mercilessly crushed to the ground..
why these two people..
can do so much to me…
why am i so affected?
it almost kills me just to think of them…
and i can not just ignore it.
grrr…
if you would only have the slightest idea on how i’ve died to attempt to ignore this stuffs…
it almost a year now…
and for the message-sender…it’s two years, even…
and it happened all in the past…
and i get so crazy when i get to meet them accidentally..
the nice guy, most of the time..
…..
was it my fault for having these feelings that are nothing but stranger to me?
i think they have they also have their part of this faulty and confusing situation to me..
they give me unnecessary things…
a lot of weird things,…
new things to me..
and they leave me without anything to make up about it..
it’s like leaving me a piece of paper..
and nothing more.
it’s a bit … err..
i really don’t know how to properly use words..
so i don’t know if i’m putting it in the proper way that it should be delivered…
i dont have any idea on why i received a paper–for instance..
i really don’t know….
they make me think of unnecessary thoughts…
they give me the feeling that…
it’s like as if..
they are trying to say something..
suggesting something…
that i cannot decipher..
they trust me so much as to understand what they are trying to make me understand…
but in all honestly —i don’t have any idea..
and so i am left to think of it alone..
i think, out of frustration..
i just made it look like…
they have ulterior motives behind those actions…
lol.
it’s like as if .
but, no.
i know them better.
and i know that they are only too good to be true.
haha. i should have known better.
that dwelling too much in this stuff—-it’s not good for my heart.
…
one moment, and i feel so euphoric,
that i even forget to breathe…
and the next second, i’m suddenly pissed off..
irritated and disgusted…
tell me, for i really don’t have any idea on how to CONFRONT these situations.
this is so new to me.
so alien.
i really don’t know what to do..
and so i will try, yet again, as i have always been, trying SO HARD to ignore.
and hopefully be able to STOP this nonsense.
and have my long-wished peace of mind.
i pray that they stop leaving me clueless..
i pray that they, finally get to have their spine to tell things straight to my face.
to finally put my mind at rest.
and not in grave chaos, just trying to decode what was hidden..
before i give up…since it’s creeping up on me now..
and i am slowly getting tired of this circuit..
all i want is to get things NAILED DOWN.
PUT THINGS STRAIGHT.
please, i can’t know everything.
they should know that.
really…it’s bugging me endlessly..
>_<
this is so SICK.
the message September 14, 2008
so much..
it’s always too much…
oh, hey!
did i mention my ECG result?
lol…it’s normal..
i am only diagnosed with Costochondritis.
lol
hmmmm??
i was kinda giddy…
well..
at least this last week…
^^
i feel like so..
unnecessarily happy..^^
it was triggered by a single,
few-word containing,
simple,
message.
^_^
it was all that was to make me like this.
i feel so utterly euphoric.
but not for long.
not before a friend—worriedly SICK—told me to stop.
and that he was worried for his friend–that’s me.
he’s scared that i might get hurt..–duh.
so lame, huh?
indeed.
i totally agree.
and so i did—argued with him, whatelse?
i told him, that i wasn’t dwelling too much for the matter..
and he was all, like, he can see me falling for the guy( who sent the message)
that i’ll fall for the guy and that i might be assuming too much…
for all i know, just WHAT DOES HE THINK HE KNOWS?
for all i care, this friend, andrew, he does not know the guy who sent me the message,
the single mesage that made my day.
this person who sent me the message,
he is an old friend..
an old,
special,
friend.
well,
he just said in his message:
kyaaa~
i’m so not gonna use his exact words…..
—-too embarrasing—-for me.
kyaaaaaaaa~~~!!
he just asked if it was me…
and that he is the one who sent it…
so to sum it all up.
what was indicated in the message:
an inquiry if it was ME.
and that it was HIM.
that’s all there is to it!
and ta-dah!
i was staring to my computer—heaven knows for how long that was..
i just can’t believe..
i can’t believe…
to …
ME?
me? receiving a message??
from HIM? even??
—-i know, this is a bit of an exaggeration…
but, sorry to burst your bubble, but, yeah,
unfortunately,
this is so true.
i can’t really believe it.
just too much..
i didn’t even know how to respond to it.
i just said in my reply message:
nope, I am ME.
^^
How are you?
–end of my reply message–
i am so sick.
yeah, i am.
hahaha..
i can’t decide on what to do the moment my eyes have laid out on the message..
i even forgot how to exhale..
i dunno if i was to scream…kyaaaa~
for all i know–that would lead to people swarming all around me the next minute..
and so i skipped that..
good thing i did..
but it did nothing to help me breathe properly…
i was inhaling the whole time..
and if i did exhale..
it was too long, too!!
i never got tired of staring at it..
hah. you’re starting to be scared now, huh?
i might really be taking this too seriously..
sigh..
i know..
i think..
i’ve got a crush on this guy..
sheeshh..
keep it low~
sheesshhh!!
^^
i just wish he does not get to read this.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
what am i thinking??
writing this stuff??
lol
it’s crazy.
and i want to remember this day..
a day of craziness…
i want to remember this one day…
that i thought would never happen to ME.
for a simple message to make my DAY.
^^
honestly..
i was looking for this guy..
for who knows how long..
but that was ages ago..
and i was honestly taken by surprise..
when he sent me his message..
LOL
i just sincerely wish..
that he meant what he told me..
ages ago..
when we’re still together..
—i mean, when we still see each other..
that…
he wanted to keep me..
and that …
i don’t need to mind if he looks at other girls..
for it is only ME, that he loves…
that he said..
///////////////////
___
I KNOW!
he might’ve been just messing around!!
for all i care!
it was only my stupid, pathetic wish..
that i wish it was real.
sigh…
so much for my pathetic-ness…
guess, that’s all for today.
^^
see ya guys, later~
ja ne~
