happy new year! January 7, 2009

what a day!
whew.

this last sunday,
that was, clearly late afternoon when we started to hit the road..
i went with my mother(who drove the car), my sister(an older cousin) and my littlest baby brother(who is turning 8 soon).

we went to my old boarding house to pick up the things that
i have left in the place..
err…it was kinda awkward..
the people didn’t wanted me to leave..
tita emily even claimed that i didn’t told her i’d be leaving..
well, that part was true..
and that was really rude of me,
though she also added that indeed she has known my plans,
but she also thought that i wasn’t going to transfer anyways,
since, i told her that i dont want to leave..(that was latter, when i got to know the people around me better)and i said that the place that i am tranferring to is kind of scary..
and that i dont want to be scared silly..
sigh…
in the end i still am rude for not telling her beforehand that i am leaving her place…
i gave my lame apologies.. told her that i was so ashamed of myself, that i didn’t know how to start, nor what to tell her…

and it’s irritating me too..
sigh…
it’s a good thing that i was forgiven.
oh, Lord, i thank You for that.
sheessh…it’s a good thing i am still young(or so they think)..
they made it as an excuse for my behavior..
lol.i wont deny anything.XD

i love spontaneous things, things that go naturally, things that are real. ^_^
in any case i really admire Mother Nature, the craftiness…the beauty of it all..and it’s all just natural.

sigh, we then turned to the supposedly new place..

rawr. i was scared with it myself, not adding the irritation that has been building up on my mother directly towards me.

you see, my mother is a very nice woman, and she was devastated
that i didnt even bother to let the other involved people know of my plans. >__<

it’s so lonely..
that at the middle of the night i keep waking up,
just to see if i have received any messages..
sigh..
i really miss them…

I NEVER KNEW I CAN BE THIS HOME-SICK.

i think it’s pretty normal.

the last time, i was so shocked that i didn’t know at first why there’s something that is dripping off of my face, i knew then i had runny nose, but not that bad..
until i realized that it was clear and warm liquid uncontrollably breaking its way out..i was crying, and for all the good that it did to me, i didn’t know why, and i cant stop it from flowing. it felt a bit shocking to me, i was stunned of how much tears that was…i can see my own tears…its really flowing..at rapid succession..
where did all that stuff came from…and that much? why?
although i know myself better not to be shocked for that one..
it really isn’t new. i had cried a lot. and lately, i have been doing that quite often.

i am so easily flattered, easily disgusted, easily annoyed, easy to please..
i find myself so easy to be happy, sad, irritated, all the same.

quite sensitive….i don’t think so. sigh, sensitive, if being so can help me learn people better, then it’s a good thing. sigh… easily hurt.

but crying isn’t only for sad people.
sometimes i feel like crying out of joy,
sometimes i cry because of humiliation, i feel so ashamed of myself, when i feel like getting angry, and then coming to realization that it’s not good to be angry.

whichever.
sigh. i want to eat.
i am hungry again.
lol

whatelse..

hmmm….

i was with a friend early today.
and she told me quite a lot.

she told me that she now have a boyfriend.
that guy, i wasn’t exactly surprised, i told her,
added that i knew something was brewing.
^^

she revealed that they weren’t even a month going out yet..

it’s still fresh..

well,
later that day…

she mentioned something like…

” i think, i wanted an older brother”

she’s a freshman, the guy was a senior.
gosh, i didn’t knew the guy was that old.
i mean in comparison to our age,
but for a second thought he’s actually not that far..
nope, my batchmate is 19, that’s a sophomore..

lol. it’s funny to hear first years call me “ate”
(it’s the filipino version of “older sister”)
when some of them had already had their debut…XD

so silly fun.
but i don’t want to reveal my real age to them.
for when they do, they wont believe it.
and that will be something to look forward to.

so yeah, my friend….

i kind of felt how she feels…

i somehow feel that most of the time..

but i think i know how to handle her..

^_^

the next time i see her,
i’ll tell her what i think about it..

it must be…
the hormonal imbalance.
kidding!

i mean, she must be longing for someone to care for her,
protect her, look after her, love her..
i think that she must have been just really sad…
she’s told me that she has left Leave Of Absence..
she wanted to shift her college course…
sigh…
and she thinks she’s suicidal.

sigh….

i told her one thing: I’ve been there.

^_^

i have been depressed for a time, even without knowing i am already being depressed all the while…lol. i’ve lost count on how many times i have tried to think of ways to end my life. to be free of pain. to rest. because i was so tired.
sheeesshh..that was ages…
i am different now.
because now, i have my God.

i’ll have to help that girl..
she mentioned something like “if we break up, i don’t know, i might not be able to attend worship like before, i think for until he’s graduated”
also, she mentioned something about text messages…
she said that he’s always busy…
i told her that it’s all normal.
he’ll be busy, that’s pretty normal especially he’s a senior.
^_^

but what i felt from her, is that it’s not like other girls that i know of,
the girls that i know, they go crazy when the(this is so funny..haha) even the NAME. lol. just the simple name.. they go crazy. like, cant stop themselves from smiling, and then feeling so giddy, and not realizing that they are gushing all over the guy. lol.
that was how it is supposed to be, isn’t it?
but…i am afraid…i didn’t see it quite loud in her..
she’s so still… she thinks its just that.
sigh…
i asked if her problem with the guy is that he’s been ultra super busy that he didn’t have time left for her?
she didn’t deny that, only grew more silent, so i changed the question, asked her if she sends him messages frequently… she said, that if he doesn’t want to reply, then its fine, no texting. >_>

whatever was the guy’s problem was.

he’s irritating.
my girl here, is a very shy and sweet girl…
and him???
what does he do??

i mean, does a “im busy” reply hurt?
gosh, and they had only started going out..
and they’re already like this.

>__>

that’s really sweet. if he’s not all day not making anything to contact the lady,
duh. he’s courted her. gosh. >__<

lol. i only say that. don’t believe those words.
hahahaha. sickeningly, on my part..
even a single text can make my day.
that’s how simple i am.

lol. how few words can make me forget all the worries and pain…
XD

see?

from whom..you ask?
no? you’re not asking?

lol. it’s from my friends.^_^

of course.

sigh….

oh well….

kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

i’m so excited..
to receive messages…

from…

XD

the people i cherish.

good day to all.

remember that time is precious.
we can never turn back time.
so, whatever it is that we can do today.
do it now.
or you may lose your chance of doing it forever.

we will never know.

so cherish the moments that we have today.

GODBLESS US ALL!

unnecessary thoughts, yet again. September 17, 2008

hey,

just finished the quiz on chemistry lecture…yeah..
—-too tiring.

what’s happening to ME?!?!

lately, i have been pondering on some things..
>>huh? , and just when did i not think about unnecessary things? huh?

well, OKAY. let me re-phrase it, then:

as i have always been wondering..
i was thinking about what’s happening to me recently..

i mean, it’s just getting a BIT out-of-hand..

yeah, and i mean it. totally.

just. i just can’t contain it.
i can’t keep my smile OFF of my face.

really.

and it’s already bugging those people around me.
and at times, i think that..

i’ve probably lost it.

oh. oh..

but no, i did not.

i just can’t be not happy.
even though i think that this is really worth nothing at all..
like, i am wasting my hope..

as a friend told me,
to not think too much.

like that’s a possibility for me—hahahaha!!!

i never think less.
it’s ALWAYS too much.

if i don’t.
it’s not me.
LOL.
something is critically wrong with me!

hahahahaha!!!

also, i have been caught singing..
and humming…
and skipping…
and smiling…
and sighing…
and smiling again…
and singing…
and humming…

GOSH!

and it never breaks..
it continues..

people feel the excessive brightness and lightness of my aura..
haha. they say it’s almost shuddering that i am acting this way..
my friends…my old friends..
oh. WOW.
i just wonder,
on how will they take this in..
hahaha!!!
i am but ALL-SO-GIRLY!!

it’s almost unbearably disgusting..

hahaha!!

unbelievable, for me.
i can’t believe myself, neither..

is it not nice that for a change..
i am thinking of real people?

not just anime characters, anymore?
i mean, real, and tangible persons,
that are known to me.

^^

heh heh heh..

recently..
i have been..

ermm..

thinking of ———yuck! i’m about to spill it!!

noooooo~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/

run!!!

\o\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay fine. i’ll spill it.

for the sake of my sanity.
—urk. like i have been sane, lol.

heh. heh. heh.

it’s actually between ..

two…

guys..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/ i’ve said it!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o/ run people!!

\o\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hahahaha!!!

well,
i have not been thinking about the other one… not until..
he sent me a message, for just about, some days ago? lol.

and terribly, to my distaste, i was still hoping for the …let’s call him A..
i was still hoping to see A… even for just a bit..
to be able to at least exchange some little talks..
or to my despicably horrible thought that he send me a text message—or so something like that.
well, i believe that he has connections, enough for him to effortlessly track my new phone number down. not unless, he’s getting so stupid as much as to be the -always, guh, always the gentleman,— to wait for me to personally give him my new number. tsk. grr.
he’s so pathetic. i tell you. he won’t argue with me. it’s so irritating.
i always get my way with him. and he won’t ever get mad at me. COME ON! i have been frustrating myself just to make him mad—but no! he only likes it better when i’m on it.
what drives me more into insanity is that, the last time i’ve seen him, he was actually having fun while seeing me get irritated at him. even told me, he missed me that much. erk.
so much for him, so much for his stupid, good-guy character..
how i wish that he be a bit of selfish at times.. geez… he does not have any idea on how much control he has on me…it’s a good thing that i’m a good actress…i can pretend otherwise..
or so i think. i really wish for him to see-though my lies.. if he can do that much..
he has his way. ^_^

duh. that’s only if he CAN.
and if he really MEAN it.

^_^

and the recently message-sender..
let us call him B. he, hmm..
he, uhmm…
err..
what can i say..

he…

i am only a bit disgusted about claiming that i miss him.
i think it’s okay..

since, i believe.. we are on good terms.. at least…
he, uhh.. he is my good friend.

as much as i want to call him kuya (older brother)…
he don’t like it.
or so i think..

well, i can say that, because..
when someone asked us, on what or how are we related to each other..
if we have something…or anything…
i remember answering.. that he’s a brother..
and i recall that he was disagreeing with me..
surely he did disagree, but i had the louder voice..
and so, i won the contest, and the answer that was accepted to that question is that..
we’re almost, blood-related. that close.

teeheeheee…

i remember,
i know, i should say..
that he likes(i wonder if i’m using the proper word–>>;;) cute girls.
and haha, happily, i don’t fall into that category. ^^ hooray!!

he prefers silence..
^_^
uhmm..

i don’t know..
but i feel so light around him..
like, i can do anything.. and he won’t bother…
sort of like that..

what i do know..
is that..
he is the first guy..
that i have claimed my boyfriend, while tugging one of his arms towards myself.
i remember that.. he did not utter a word about it..

i was just kidding when i did that, though..
it’s just to save him from a sticky girl that’s been bugging him..
or so that’s what i think..

hmm…

……

i say that giving this a proper thinking made me see things clearly.
what i have realized… about these things..
is the possible and most probably the truth..

first.
my explosive happiness..
when i knew that a certain someone sent me a message.
clearly, that was a misinterpretation.
i know that guy well enough, to know that he was only nice enough to be friendly.
just being totally friendly, as he has always have been with me.
and i know that it is only my unusually inappropriate wish to see that message in a different light.
that was very improper of me. and i am not pleased with the alien feelings that hovered all over me when i read the message…
yes. it is only my indiscreet fantasies.

well, i am SORRY for being such a GIRL for this one time…
that also applies to the other old friend that is all too nice to me..so much for being the nice guy..

it is, again, my fault that i tried to think of the things in a malicious way..

too much malice in me..
i am starting to be improper…

and this is SO NOT ME.

i am usually at control.
i am by own boss.

but this time why is it going all over the drain??
all my barriers that i have built to be able to protect my weak self from the others..
my shields that i have built to my utmost desperate attempt to hide my self from the eyes of the others…

all of it.
entirely.

it happened so fast…
so fast that even i was not aware of when it started to crash…
when it was mercilessly crushed to the ground..

why these two people..
can do so much to me…
why am i so affected?

it almost kills me just to think of them…

and i can not just ignore it.

grrr…

if you would only have the slightest idea on how i’ve died to attempt to ignore this stuffs…
it almost a year now…
and for the message-sender…it’s two years, even…
and it happened all in the past…

and i get so crazy when i get to meet them accidentally..
the nice guy, most of the time..

…..

was it my fault for having these feelings that are nothing but stranger to me?
i think they have they also have their part of this faulty and confusing situation to me..

they give me unnecessary things…
a lot of weird things,…
new things to me..

and they leave me without anything to make up about it..
it’s like leaving me a piece of paper..

and nothing more.

it’s a bit … err..
i really don’t know how to properly use words..
so i don’t know if i’m putting it in the proper way that it should be delivered…

i dont have any idea on why i received a paper–for instance..
i really don’t know….

they make me think of unnecessary thoughts…
they give me the feeling that…
it’s like as if..
they are trying to say something..
suggesting something…
that i cannot decipher..
they trust me so much as to understand what they are trying to make me understand…
but in all honestly —i don’t have any idea..

and so i am left to think of it alone..
i think, out of frustration..
i just made it look like…

they have ulterior motives behind those actions…

lol.

it’s like as if .

but, no.
i know them better.
and i know that they are only too good to be true.

haha. i should have known better.
that dwelling too much in this stuff—-it’s not good for my heart.
…

one moment, and i feel so euphoric,
that i even forget to breathe…

and the next second, i’m suddenly pissed off..
irritated and disgusted…

tell me, for i really don’t have any idea on how to CONFRONT these situations.
this is so new to me.
so alien.

i really don’t know what to do..

and so i will try, yet again, as i have always been, trying SO HARD to ignore.
and hopefully be able to STOP this nonsense.
and have my long-wished peace of mind.

i pray that they stop leaving me clueless..
i pray that they, finally get to have their spine to tell things straight to my face.
to finally put my mind at rest.
and not in grave chaos, just trying to decode what was hidden..
before i give up…since it’s creeping up on me now..
and i am slowly getting tired of this circuit..

all i want is to get things NAILED DOWN.
PUT THINGS STRAIGHT.

please, i can’t know everything.
they should know that.

really…it’s bugging me endlessly..

>_<

this is so SICK.

happiness August 22, 2008

hah. i feel so much.

overwhelmingly…

outrageously…

heavy.

i feel so dense.

..

…

why do i feel like this?

is this the result..

of spoiling myself..

and do nothing but be myself??

is it really rude..is it really unfair??

am i unfair?

i felt so nice to be acting a whole lot of myself..
and then so suddenly..

it was so sudden…

that i felt sad—no, it’s not sadness— the word ’sad’ will be an understatement..

i felt worse than that.

and then what?

i felt so guilty.

why do i have to feel guilty when i know fully well for myself that i have done nothing wrong..

nothing..

i just made myself a treat.. in this last..what? five, six days??

and now? the feel of regret? no..this isn’t regret..
but i think..it is a bit of regret, so much that i want to deny that..

i dont want to regret having fun, in indulging myself to be me.

free of worries..pressures…and all of the things around me.
i have nothing but me.

is it really that bad to be selfish, even for this one time?

and now, it’s starting to flow against me,
the once caring and gentle wave that carried me flawlessly..
is now out of control—it’s whipping with full energy to push me off..
throwing me all around helplessly..

and i can’t seem to grasp..
what’s really happening..

what did i do??
is it really bad to swim and indulge to the vast, deep, quiet, and peaceful waters? for my one wish to be alone with myself..
and now..like a roar from a hungry lion, it washes me away..
left and right , up and down.. i was carried helplessly like a ragged doll..
…

i do not know what i want anymore..

and i dont like this feeling i am feeling right now..

why is it always like this??

hah.
i can’t believe i have fooled myself into thinking that i can be at the very least happy.
this made me realize that…
i can never be happy–no! and nothing will ever change that fact.

i must not be happy.

when i know that it’s going to be like this each and every time that my heart flutters with joy, that i would be definitely be feeling devastatingly wrong afterwards…

who wants happiness??

not me.
i have to always remind myself.
i can’t be happy.

sO stupId. June 29, 2008

i feel so much..

…………..

…………………………………….

………………………………………..

………….

………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………

i am so S-T-U-P-I-D.

.

are you satisfied now?

can’t sleep. May 26, 2008

…

ask me why..

i don’t know either..

might be because, i am not accustomed to sleeping THIS early? (time check: 12:14am)
but you know..

i really hate this..

i hate it when i am not in control..
not in control…

of my very self.

i don’t know why i am like this..
or why do i feel this way..

i really have NO IDEA just what this is..

…

i hate this..
i really do..

…

why..

just what the HELL..

i feel like there’s something pointy inside my chest..
and that it is painful..

…

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

IT REALLY BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!!!

….

why…

after all this time…

we haven’t had contact…

since after the high school graduation..( i am now an incoming college sophomore~ btw..>>)
..

sure we meet at the road sometimes and some of a really few text messages..
but, that is all that is there to it. nothing more. nothing less.

so, okay.. if that’s the case..
then why am i doing all these STUPID stuff right now?
and the HELL is what about ‘that’ person’s relation to this rant, anyways?

hmm..

well..

DON’T ASK ME!!! .. i don’t know it either..

what i only know..
is that..
i hate it..
to admit..

that i suddenly remember ‘him’ at point-blank occasions..
i really don’t know why.. it can’t be another person..
or why it’s ‘that’ person, anyways..
and to add.. why i can’t get ‘that’ person OUT OF MY HEAD.. so… stupid.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

why is it like this..

i feel SO PATHETIC.

i suddenly remembered him while i was singing..

“.. just when i thought i was over you..
..just when i thought i could stand on my own..
oh, baby those memories kept crashing through..
and i just cant..”

and, from there.. i wasn’t able to continue the song..
out of shock, to what the hell was i thinking at that moment..
and out of sheer disgust..of how the hell was i to be able to think of such things..

it IRKED ME.

i have lots of guys to think of.. boys(yeah, i am a girl, >>) that can make my day,
with just the hint of thought.. like sagara sousuke-kun, inuyasha, himura kenshin..
hyuuga natsume-kun, kuran kaname-sama….and counting.. and counting… ^^

but, NO. this one..the littlest hint, this one gives me…
the weird, hot, and painful spark in my chest..

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

……………

i feel like crying..
like i am so helpless..
..

while having still no idea on why is these stuffs happening to me…
why can’t i understand.. a thing..

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

i dont want this kind of feeling..
i dont want ANY of this..

I AM STARTING TO HATE MYSELF FOR THIS.

why, can’t i forget?……

like i always do?
..

i did so, to all those things that i don’t even want to know anymore..

and i did so, now, even if i want to recall things, i dont know them anymore..

if it can make me feel numb..
and not feel anything that can hurt me..

i resign. and i am always doing it well..

i wonder..

…

why this thing..
i don’t fully recall everything..

nope, nothing..but still..

why am i hurting?

it’s fine if i won’t see him ever again..

oh, please, just this simple wish of mine..

make me forget all about him..
…

………………………………. please.

…………

i don’t know why,
after all these years..

…

perhaps, i am the only one left in this state..

and maybe, he doesn’t even remember me anymore..
and YET, i still feel this way..

i really feel more STUPID and PATHETIC right now..

…………..

……..

……………

…….

……….

………………

I DONT WANT THIS!

dort. March 12, 2008

whoa..
i feel so terrible..
really..
so i am still no good after all?
i am still useless..
what a crap..
i am so useless..
what the..
i don’t have the luxury of excusing myself anymore..
i have no more reasons..
no.
i don’t have anything.
nothing.
just a load of crap.
—
nah. i will not cry anymore.
i am tired of it.
i am sick of it.
what the hell is crying for?
it’s annoying.
it’s irritating.
though..
it’s the only thing i am good at.
alone.
doing things alone are the best.
you don’t have to think of no one.
just you.
and yourself.
…
people.
what are they.
they are scums of the earth.
hypocrites.
what the.
they keep on acting like as if they are practicing charity..
what? on thinking that they are helping..who?
me? you?
shut it.
give me a break.
and what kind of help might it be?
hm.
i will tell you one.
for instance, telling you everything you lack and suck at.
in it’s most brilliance and utter elegance.
and not to mention,
not to get tired of making you realize how useless you are.
thinking that they are helping you realize things for the better.
what the hell. the heck.
what do they know?
awesome.
so they are trying to say that they know you better than you yourself?
shut the thing.
just leave me alone.
i am better off alone.
i don’t need those stupid mockeries..
i am useless, so what?
if i am that useless then what are they?
it’s really funny.
ha. ha. ha.
what a mess.
what do those people know about failing?
they always see things in their respective perspectives..
always and always at their leisure.
well, what do i expect?
come to think of it.
it was all my fault.
i am at fault for thinking that they really do.
and can understand me.
i am such an idiot.
for fooling myself to even hope for it.
really, really an idiot.
.

i want to die.

did you say hip? March 8, 2008

How Hip Are You?

My Result: cool crew

No one ever accused you of being boring. A free thinker in everything you do — from what you wear to what you read to what you believe in — you’re not easily swayed by fleeting fads and fashions. Instead, you like to challenge convention and make your own rules. This means you’re always one step ahead of the game…or deliberately disregarding it.

But just because you march to the beat of your own drummer doesn’t mean you do it alone. You surround yourself with stimulating people who are always asking questions and looking for new ways of doing things. And a motley crew that’s always on the move is a perfect fit for a maverick like you.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=hipogt&c=50652

DX February 20, 2008

i happened to see some papers…
that fell to the floor as i have scanned through my book…
i was taken bit aback..
as i remember those words that my eyes have seen on those pieces of papers…
words that echoed non-stop for some time on my head..
when was those letters printed…
how was it written…
where was it written…
why, what is written..
i don’t know.

it is something that is beyond personal.
yet im writing it here..
well i thought..
just in my thought anyways..
it isn’t like this will be read by a lot of people or something..
and to put in consideration..
even if people can read this..
i doubt it if they know me….lol
as i have said, this is quite personal..
yet im still on it..
here, scribbling..–or typing..lol
i just thought that i would want to remember this.
i would want to remember what i have written in these sheets of paper…

as i recall..
that night…
wasn’t any special..
just normal..
to me, it’s pretty much normal.
i was crying silently in the corner of my room..
well that was all that i could do..
so there… i was having a hard time finding ways on how to keep myself low..
so that no one can tell what i was doing..
i don’t want anyone to know i was crying.
i don’t want anyone to know i was dying.
and yes, i was thinking about a lot of things..
a real lot of things..
even if i do not want to even try to think anymore..
so back to the story…
there i was.. sitting covered with my blanket..
under my sole protective coat..
my only armor… my blanket.
it was the best of my shields..to hide myself from being seen..
being visible to all..
and so to continue..
i scribbled everything in these papers..
everything that i could think of..
in the most nice way i could possibly put it.
using my white board marker..
the one which i have presumed that wasn’t bearing any ink anymore..
and so i wrote..
hehehe..
with the light-free room..
lol

okay so here it is.

^^

“:sorry for being such a BULLSHIT.
:sorry for trying to think by myself, i forgot I AM STUPID.
:i am sorry for even trying to think i have meaning,
thanks for reminding me that I AM WORTHLESS.
:i m TIRED of trying to THINK, for every time you get to make me realize, I AM TOO LATE.
:i am sorry i am not your SCHOLAR, have you forgotten, in case, let me repeat it.
I AM STUPID.
:i am so IRRESPONSIBLE, i am sorry for being an EYESORE.
:i LISTEN to EVERYTHING that you have told me. i completely understood. I AM SENSELESS.

:i wonder…
why do you love me this much MY LORD???
ANSWER ME.”

right. i was crying my eyes out while writing all of those by the moonlight.
it was fun to know that it was all still readable amidst the scenario..
how could i possibly have been able to write that well..
when my eyes are pouring like hell..
and i couldn’t even see properly due to lots of water in my eyes…
and just how wet the paper was at that time..
still it turned out to be nice enough to be read..
and it’s just nice..
to see this one..

well
guys..
im not emo.
like hell.
but you know..
im still trying lots of things out.
i want to return to you oh Lord.
and i truly apologize for ever thinking this way before.

that’s all.
^^
still have to prepare my report in biopsych: seeing colors.
and in filipino: kasanayan sa akademikong pagsulat.
and to finish my math assignment.
and prepare for my phist prelims test.

now. with all of that.
later guys!!!
o/

February 11, 2008

why do people fall in love?

people’s feelings change.

you will only suffer when you care seriously for someone.

If so, you should stay alone right from the start.

–mao-neechan

[^^ from episode 17 of kimikiss~!]
gehehehe..^^

my reading…(what?!?) February 10, 2008

The truth that each of us is essentially alone and that we must ultimately answer to ourselves regarding our choices in life is one that resonates deeply within you. Thus, kanachan, your first loyalty is to yourself and to living your own life as authentically as possible. When you are most yourself, you are a risk taker, a trailblazer, forging your own path rather than following anyone else’s lead. Whether or not you have the courage to do so, to boldly assert yourself and follow your own star – standing alone when necessary – is crucial to fulfilling your life purpose.

There are many ways, both positive and negative, you could choose to express this core sense of singleness and this need to be an original or a pioneer. You may, for instance, simply choose to remain single. Your independence, autonomy, and freedom are very important to you, and at heart you really do not want to be distracted from your purposes or encumbered by the responsibilities and complications that accompany close, ongoing partnership with others. You are by nature a solo. This does not necessarily mean that you will avoid intimate relationships or commitments, but there must be some arena in you life where you are the chief, where you take initiative and make the decisions. Being a sole proprietor of an upstart business enterprise, free lancing, supporting yourself with as little external input as possible – they are all possible expressions of your inner drive to live life on your own terms, by your own inner creativity and dictates. If you do not feel you are your own boss, kanachan, you simply will not be happy. Your lifestyle and work must reflect your strong impulses to be self-reliant as well as to create something NEW, in order for you to be in harmony.

sore jaa~
oyasumi nasai~