…
ask me why..
i don’t know either..
might be because, i am not accustomed to sleeping THIS early? (time check: 12:14am)
but you know..
i really hate this..
i hate it when i am not in control..
not in control…
of my very self.
i don’t know why i am like this..
or why do i feel this way..
i really have NO IDEA just what this is..
…
i hate this..
i really do..
…
why..
just what the HELL..
i feel like there’s something pointy inside my chest..
and that it is painful..
…
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IT REALLY BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!!!
….
why…
after all this time…
we haven’t had contact…
since after the high school graduation..( i am now an incoming college sophomore~ btw..>>)
..
sure we meet at the road sometimes and some of a really few text messages..
but, that is all that is there to it. nothing more. nothing less.
so, okay.. if that’s the case..
then why am i doing all these STUPID stuff right now?
and the HELL is what about ‘that’ person’s relation to this rant, anyways?
hmm..
well..
DON’T ASK ME!!! .. i don’t know it either..
what i only know..
is that..
i hate it..
to admit..
that i suddenly remember ‘him’ at point-blank occasions..
i really don’t know why.. it can’t be another person..
or why it’s ‘that’ person, anyways..
and to add.. why i can’t get ‘that’ person OUT OF MY HEAD.. so… stupid.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
why is it like this..
i feel SO PATHETIC.
i suddenly remembered him while i was singing..
“.. just when i thought i was over you..
..just when i thought i could stand on my own..
oh, baby those memories kept crashing through..
and i just cant..”
and, from there.. i wasn’t able to continue the song..
out of shock, to what the hell was i thinking at that moment..
and out of sheer disgust..of how the hell was i to be able to think of such things..
it IRKED ME.
i have lots of guys to think of.. boys(yeah, i am a girl, >>) that can make my day,
with just the hint of thought.. like sagara sousuke-kun, inuyasha, himura kenshin..
hyuuga natsume-kun, kuran kaname-sama….and counting.. and counting… ^^
but, NO. this one..the littlest hint, this one gives me…
the weird, hot, and painful spark in my chest..
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
……………
i feel like crying..
like i am so helpless..
..
while having still no idea on why is these stuffs happening to me…
why can’t i understand.. a thing..
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
i dont want this kind of feeling..
i dont want ANY of this..
I AM STARTING TO HATE MYSELF FOR THIS.
why, can’t i forget?……
like i always do?
..
i did so, to all those things that i don’t even want to know anymore..
and i did so, now, even if i want to recall things, i dont know them anymore..
if it can make me feel numb..
and not feel anything that can hurt me..
i resign. and i am always doing it well..
i wonder..
…
why this thing..
i don’t fully recall everything..
nope, nothing..but still..
why am i hurting?
it’s fine if i won’t see him ever again..
oh, please, just this simple wish of mine..
make me forget all about him..
…
………………………………. please.
…………
i don’t know why,
after all these years..
…
perhaps, i am the only one left in this state..
and maybe, he doesn’t even remember me anymore..
and YET, i still feel this way..
i really feel more STUPID and PATHETIC right now..
…………..
……..
……………
…….
……….
………………
I DONT WANT THIS!
