i happened to see some papers…
that fell to the floor as i have scanned through my book…
i was taken bit aback..
as i remember those words that my eyes have seen on those pieces of papers…
words that echoed non-stop for some time on my head..
when was those letters printed…
how was it written…
where was it written…
why, what is written..
i don’t know.
it is something that is beyond personal.
yet im writing it here..
well i thought..
just in my thought anyways..
it isn’t like this will be read by a lot of people or something..
and to put in consideration..
even if people can read this..
i doubt it if they know me….lol
as i have said, this is quite personal..
yet im still on it..
here, scribbling..–or typing..lol
i just thought that i would want to remember this.
i would want to remember what i have written in these sheets of paper…
as i recall..
that night…
wasn’t any special..
just normal..
to me, it’s pretty much normal.
i was crying silently in the corner of my room..
well that was all that i could do..
so there… i was having a hard time finding ways on how to keep myself low..
so that no one can tell what i was doing..
i don’t want anyone to know i was crying.
i don’t want anyone to know i was dying.
and yes, i was thinking about a lot of things..
a real lot of things..
even if i do not want to even try to think anymore..
so back to the story…
there i was.. sitting covered with my blanket..
under my sole protective coat..
my only armor… my blanket.
it was the best of my shields..to hide myself from being seen..
being visible to all..
and so to continue..
i scribbled everything in these papers..
everything that i could think of..
in the most nice way i could possibly put it.
using my white board marker..
the one which i have presumed that wasn’t bearing any ink anymore..
and so i wrote..
hehehe..
with the light-free room..
lol
okay so here it is.
^^
“:sorry for being such a BULLSHIT.
:sorry for trying to think by myself, i forgot I AM STUPID.
:i am sorry for even trying to think i have meaning,
thanks for reminding me that I AM WORTHLESS.
:i m TIRED of trying to THINK, for every time you get to make me realize, I AM TOO LATE.
:i am sorry i am not your SCHOLAR, have you forgotten, in case, let me repeat it.
I AM STUPID.
:i am so IRRESPONSIBLE, i am sorry for being an EYESORE.
:i LISTEN to EVERYTHING that you have told me. i completely understood. I AM SENSELESS.
:i wonder…
why do you love me this much MY LORD???
ANSWER ME.”
right. i was crying my eyes out while writing all of those by the moonlight.
it was fun to know that it was all still readable amidst the scenario..
how could i possibly have been able to write that well..
when my eyes are pouring like hell..
and i couldn’t even see properly due to lots of water in my eyes…
and just how wet the paper was at that time..
still it turned out to be nice enough to be read..
and it’s just nice..
to see this one..
well
guys..
im not emo.
like hell.
but you know..
im still trying lots of things out.
i want to return to you oh Lord.
and i truly apologize for ever thinking this way before.
that’s all.
^^
still have to prepare my report in biopsych: seeing colors.
and in filipino: kasanayan sa akademikong pagsulat.
and to finish my math assignment.
and prepare for my phist prelims test.
now. with all of that.
later guys!!!
o/
